planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
