God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm too high and old for this...
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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