I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Randomize
