i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
