so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
