Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
