bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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