Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
