I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
