Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
