Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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