So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Randomize
