So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
