Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
