ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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