Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
