You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
