I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Oh god it's open bar.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
