Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Randomize
