How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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