Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'm like, not good at living.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
