Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
she smelled like a LAN party
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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