In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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