"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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