Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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