Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Randomize
