Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
