I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
