the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
