So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
