He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Randomize
