it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
he just fucked me for my cheese.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
