Ambien. No doubt about it.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Randomize
