Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
