I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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