I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
