Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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