We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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