I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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