i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
