dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
