pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
