Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
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