She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
