Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
