just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
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