My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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