I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
