I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
