I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
did you just send me my own nude
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
