whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
